its my second day back in the United States. slowly but surely, the bags are getting unpacked, I am finding sand from Cádiz in all of my belongings, i know that the soles of my shoes still carry traces of the andalucian soil, and one of the things that I hated most, that god awful cigarette smell on my clothes, is almost a nostalgic momento at this point. Its only now that I can really say that Spain is a special place for me, because as much as I understood what it meant to me while I was there, I can safely say I miss it even more now that I am gone.
I haven’t really left the house too much, I went to the grocery store yesterday and was shocked at how much food costs here. The cars are all bigger, there are personalized license plates on the cars here, something that would never happen in Spain, and from what I can tell, all of the food is super salty and really loaded with preservatives, it takes the bite out of the vegetables and makes everything seem so bland. The people seem sad, depressed, always very rushed, and for some reason, I feel like I’m looked at as “diiferent.” I don’t mean to knock on everything that I see, I have to say that this town is much more beautiful than I remember leaving it, but besides the scenery, I’m not sure if there is much more here.
I haven’t seen the sun in two days, the last time being when my airplane sunk below the clouds for the last time, and I entered a world that was without light, a world that continues without light, especially for me. At least right now, and until I get to Washington, I feel like I was wandering through darkness, and unknown place full of strangers. Its not that I don’t want to understand it, it is just that there is nothing and no one here for me, save my family that is working all day..lol. Its also strange because I haven’t seen rain in almost three months, with the exception of a day in Paris and Amsterdam. I usually wake up to a sunny, warm day. Now I look forward to damp, cloudy, humid, and chilly even though its August.
I’m slowly going through the motions of being back, but it will be much better once I can be with friends, hopefully it will take my mind off of it. Right now I can’t say that I am rejecting the United States, but I can say that the torment of emotions ranging from sadness of leaving, to wishing I had done one more thing, to the happiness of seeing old acquaintances and friends to the anger that I left so many behind and the excitement to see what tomorrow will bring is not an easily navigated sea. Right now, I am just living day by day in the dark, but I know that very soon, the sun will rise again.
